Dr Zuma, or: Why I learnt to stop worrying and love the guy

Just how dumb exactly is the average South African? A previous patterntub entry gave me an inkling of this via the rather abstract notion of IQ: the average IQ in SA is allegedly 72. But what does this really mean? If your majors at school weren't psychology and statistics, you can deduct little beyond "my countrymen are dumb as dirt".

There are subtle clues all over the place. The trick is to force yourself to recognize them. This must only be attempted by those immune to depression or who are in any case already depressed. If you hear a voice in your head telling you not to open up to this reality, ignore it, it’s just Your Sanity speaking. What has he done for you lately?

One telling example is a regular etv (1 of 4 public networks in SA) “competition” in which the viewer is given "cryptic" clues and must sms (text) the answer to some literally unforgettable number.

The format for all of these questions is always exactly the same: A short but ridiculously useful description of what this person does, a glorious full colour 5 megapixel photo, and a thinly disguised anagram of the persons name. So far, my personal favourite of these weekly mindbenders is:

She’s the popular host of a talk show and one of the richest women in the world:


This is nothing less than downright insulting. But it is only insulting if you have the mental faculty to feel insulted by it, and I don’t think etv is in the business of insulting people.

I’m patiently waiting for this one to come up:

He’s the controversial creator of the universe and doesn’t really exist:


It can only be a matter of time.

Yes, I now it’s supposed to be easy, but really. The questions are designed to make the viewer feel that she is playing a game and that she is really clever for figuring out the answer, and therefore has a sporting chance to win the latest piece of technological junk that will be obsolete just about the moment it arrives in the mail. etv obviously believes that these questions are sufficiently taxing for the average television and mobile phone owning South African to be enticed into throwing R2 down the drain. And they should know, they only need to count the number of sms’s received.

The scariest thing: the TV and mobile phone owners hardly constitute SA’s most ignorant demographic. No wait, the scariest thing surely has to be that these are the more priveleged among the people who vote in all matters deemed important enough to vote on. You know when we refer to the voice of the people? That’s them. Well, the people have spoken to etv, and they are saying that they are ignorant and gullible. They insist. This is why a guy that purports to wash away HIV in the shower after rape I mean sex is on his merry way to being our next president. (Unrelated, I hear a shower does wonders for pepper spray as well). If you’re not sure who I’m talking about, here’s a clue:

He’s a corrupt moron and one of the most loved statesmen in South Africa:



nico said...


The Muso said...

72! really? How does this compare?

nico said...

Here's the full list , Muso.

The Muso said...

sorry - I sir am an idiot for not following links

The Don said...

Ah JZ haunter of my nightmares and plague of my daily blog reading. Can't you just get some horrible STD and die already!

Nice blog BTW good times. D